Sex After A Hysterectomy
I've had sex multiple times since having my hysterectomy (sorry Mum) I had my hysterectomy for seven years ago now and, just for the record, I'm not a prude. Nothing is really too much for me. But there is only SO much I am willing to share on a TikTok or Instagram Reel when I have absolutely no idea who is watching.
So I wanted to write this blog and delve a little deeper. Because even I get a little bashful saying some of these things to the big wide world!
Sex after a hysterectomy - that’s a conversation we can have here.
First things first: we're all different
If there is one thing I have learnt from running the Rayse community, it is that there is no single experience of sex after a hysterectomy.
Some women can't wait to get back to it. Others are nervous and want to know how to take things slowly because they are worried it will hurt. Some are desperate to get signed off by their doctor so they can get back to their normal sex life.
And then there is the type of sex you are having.
I have no idea if you are making slow, sweet love or getting absolutely pounded, bent around in all sorts of positions. Obviously, the former is probably going to be a better starting point!
There is also SO much that goes into sex after a hysterectomy. Your dryness might change. Your desire might change. Your confidence might change. And honestly? Roll with the punches.
I do think things have changed for me, but it has also forced me to experiment a little bit more. And actually, that has been a really good thing.
Dryness
I have suffered with dryness and my god, it's awful. It hasn't affected my sex life too much, but I do find myself reaching for the lube occasionally and I think we have to normalise that.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little something extra to get things going.
It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.
It doesn't mean you're not attracted to your partner.
And it definitely isn't something you should feel embarrassed or ashamed about.
Dealing with vaginal health changes
Vaginal dryness, recurrent thrush and discomfort can be common in menopause because of lower oestrogen. Honestly, vaginal dryness was one of my worst menopause symptoms.
At one point, it got so bad that I kept getting thrush. Not because of anything I was doing wrong, but because everything was so dry and irritated all the time. It felt like my body had turned against me. And no one had warned me it could be this uncomfortable.
I'm really thankful I can take HRT, and early on I was prescribed vaginal oestrogen cream You either insert it or apply it to the area, and it did help. I was really pleased to have it, but nothing made as big a difference to me as Prasterone pessaries. They were a total game-changer.
It took me years to get hold of them because they were fairly new, but I'm so glad I pushed for them. They are little pessaries containing prasterone, which is converted locally into hormones including oestrogen and testosterone. For me, honestly, it was like a miracle.
I could feel my body respond. Things started to feel normal again. I used one every day for a good few weeks and then was able to scale it back. I barely use them anymore, maybe a couple of times a month, but they have made a lasting difference for me.
I've also found a few other things that personally help:
Using coconut oil for gentle moisture
Not wearing underwear at night to let things breathe
Choosing loose-fitting clothes to reduce friction and irritation
Using lubricant when I need it
This is such a common symptom, but it doesn't get talked about enough. Probably because it feels awkward to say: "My vagina is so dry it hurts to walk." And then there is the fact that you have to have an intimate doctor appointment.
But remember, it's just a body part. If you had a problem with your hand, you wouldn't think twice about showing the doctor that body part. You can get relief, and you deserve to feel comfortable in your body again. If regular HRT isn't enough, speak to your doctor about options such as vaginal oestrogen or prasterone.
You might have to push a little, but for me, it was worth it. Dryness doesn't have to be your new normal.
Libido
Menopause can affect your libido, but it doesn't happen to everyone. And this is another area where I think we need to stop assuming that every woman's experience is the same.
I've spoken to lots of women in the Rayse community who had conditions that made sex painful before their hysterectomy. For some of them, surgery actually meant that their sex life improved. For me, my sex drive hasn't really dipped, it isn't something I've struggled with, even when my testosterone was low.
But what I will say is that when you DO have that desire, it is a really great feeling. That really strong urge? I get that more now I've been on testosterone for a year, and I got it a lot when I first started. And I had forgotten what that felt like.
What if your sex drive has disappeared?
If your sex drive has dipped, there are things you can try. And I'm not saying you need to force yourself to have sex when you don't want to, quite the opposite.nThis is about reconnecting with your own body and pleasure without putting pressure on yourself.
Use it or lose it
Regular sexual activity, including masturbation, can help you reconnect with pleasure and desire. It doesn't have to involve a partner. You can set aside some time for yourself and explore what feels good, without any pressure for it to lead anywhere.
Talk to your partner
If you're feeling self-conscious, anxious or disconnected from your body, talk about it.
Tell your partner how you're feeling.
Tell them if you are nervous.
Tell them if you need them to slow down.
There shouldn't be any pressure to perform or get back to your old sex life immediately.
Look at your HRT
If dryness or sensitivity is making sex uncomfortable, speak to your doctor about your options. For me, vaginal treatments have made a huge difference.
And testosterone is another conversation worth having if low libido is a problem for you. In the UK, testosterone is currently prescribed to women primarily for low sexual desire when other HRT has not been enough.
Use lube
Honestly, just use the lube. There is no prize for not needing it. If you are experiencing dryness, lubricant can make sex much more comfortable and if something is causing irritation, don't keep using it just because it says it's designed for sex.
Your vagina does not need a scented strawberry cocktail. Keep it simple. I like water based lube.
Get some toys
If penetration feels different or you're nervous about going straight back to penetrative sex, experimenting with toys can be a way to rediscover what feels good. Personally, I would start with external stimulation rather than jumping straight into anything internal. A clitoral stimulator can be a really good starting point.
And if you have been signed off by your doctor, trying something on your own first may help you build your confidence before introducing it with a partner. And obviously, don't put anything inside until your doctor has cleared you for sex.
Give your brain a little help
Sometimes your body isn't the problem. Your brain just isn't in the mood.
Watch something sexy.
Read something sexy.
Read erotica.
Write your own fantasy
Whatever gets your imagination going!
There is nothing wrong with giving yourself a little mental stimulation. I have listened to an audio book/book called ‘Want’ and it’s been really interesting hearing other womens sexual fantasies.
Do things that make you feel sexy
This sounds a bit cheesy, but feeling good about yourself can make a difference.
Get a new haircut. Buy an outfit you feel amazing in. Have a self-care night. Put on lingerie that makes you feel good, even if nobody else sees it. You are allowed to feel sexy after a hysterectomy. Your body hasn't stopped being yours.
Toys
If you want to start experimenting with toys after you've been cleared for sex, I would personally start with something external. There are lots of clitoral stimulators and suction-style toys that can help you explore pleasure without immediately going straight back to penetration. And if you're nervous, trying something on yourself first can be a really good way to work out what feels comfortable.
You are in control, you can stop, you can slow down.You don't have to prove anything.
Positions
This is probably one of those things you don't really think about until you're actually faced with having sex again.vAnd honestly, start gently. You don't need to go straight back to whatever your favourite position was before surgery.
Try things where you feel more in control of the depth and pace. Communicate. Stop if something hurts. And experiment! Your sex life doesn't have to be exactly the same as it was before.
It might actually be better.
Doing it for the first time
I know this can feel REALLY daunting. So many women in the Rayse community have told me they are worried about the first time.
Will it hurt?
Will something go wrong?
Will it feel different?
Will my partner notice?
Personally, I found it completely fine. I was actually surprised by how quickly I resumed my normal sex life. But that is my experience. Your recovery might be different.
You should wait until your doctor or surgical team has told you that it is safe to have penetrative sex. NHS guidance commonly recommends waiting around 6-12 weeks after a hysterectomy to allow internal wounds to heal, although your own surgeon's advice should always come first. I think it varies depending on if you had your cervix removed.
And when you do get the green light? Go slowly. Lots of communication with your partner.
Make sure they understand that you might need them to slow down. You might need lube. You might want lots of kissing and touching first. You might decide you don't even want penetration that time. That's all completely fine.
Does sex actually feel different after a hysterectomy?
For me? No. I personally haven't found that it feels different. For me, sex feels the same.
I've heard women describe orgasm differently after a hysterectomy. Some describe a sensation that feels like it comes from deeper inside, almost like it used to come from the area around the womb. I haven't experienced that, so I can't really comment.
For me, orgasms have always originated around the clitoris, and that is still there and untouched. So for me, it hasn't felt different.
One thing that DID change for me is that I was able to squirt after my hysterectomy, and I could never do that before. I have absolutely no idea whether that's linked to the hysterectomy. But I do think something else happened, I became much more experimental.
I was so determined that my sex life wasn't going to be over that I think I became more open to trying different things. And honestly? It was a very welcome surprise.
What does it feel like for a man?
This is something SO many women ask about. What does it feel like for your partner? Will they notice a difference?
I personally think the first question should be: What does it feel like for YOU?
Your body and your comfort come first. But I did ask around the Rayse community because I knew women would want to know what their partners had experienced.
And the overwhelming response was: Normal.
Some women said their partners could feel the stitches at first. If that happens, I'd take that as a sign that you might need a little more time. You shouldn't be trying to push through discomfort just to get back to normal.
Once everything has healed, the vaginal canal is still there, and many women report that sex feels much the same. But again, everyone's body and surgery are different.
The biggest thing I've learnt
Your sex life isn't necessarily over because you've had a hysterectomy. It might change.
You might need more lube.
You might need more time.
You might need to experiment.
You might need to have some really awkward conversations with your partner.
You might discover things about your body that you didn't know before.
And that's okay.
In fact, maybe that's not such a bad thing. I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to get "back to normal" after surgery. But what if your new normal is just different? What if you find something you like even more? What if you discover a new part of your sex life? What if you realise that the thing you were terrified of actually isn't that bad?
Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. And rediscover what works for you.
And this is exactly why I wanted to write this privately
I can talk about hysterectomies on TikTok. I can talk about HRT. I can talk about symptoms.
But there are some things that I just don't want to put on Instagram for absolutely everyone to see. And I'm guessing I'm not the only one. You might not want to comment publicly saying:
"Erm... what happens to your sex life after a hysterectomy?"
You might not even want your friends to know you're thinking about it. But you might really want to ask another woman: "Did this happen to you too?"
That's what I want Rayse to be.
A place where we can have the conversations that are sometimes too awkward, too personal or too embarrassing to have out in the big wide world.
Because sometimes you just need someone to say:
"Yep. Me too."
If you would like to join us in the community, you can sign up here.
Speak soon!
Rachel
Find us on TikTok and Instagram
PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor. this is based on my personal experience. If you are worried about anything please consult your Doctor.
